Ever heard of banging a ‘uey? Do you like jimmies on your
ice cream? Super Bowl LIII is upon us, so now’s the time to learn some useful
new terms about our buds from New England. In the spirit of the American
melting pot, the word of the week comes from the nation of Germany. An
amalgamation of the word for “joy” and “harm,” schadenfreude reflects “ experience of
pleasure, joy, or self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing
the troubles, failures, or humiliation of another.” Following their upcoming,
humiliating loss in the Super Bowl, schadenfreude can be used to describe the
warm fuzzies you get when you see Pats fans faces distort with sadness and
disappointment as their puny hometown heroes get crushed in one of the biggest
televised sporting events of the year.
Schadenfreude is pronounced shah-den-Freud-uh and is a noun. An example of it used in a sentence is “watching those Patriots fans drag their sad little feet out of Mercedes-Benz Stadium filled me with a profound sense of schadenfreude.” I get schadenfreude just thinking about Bill Belichick coming home from a Super Bowl empty-handed for the second time in a row. They’re the Kobra Kai Dojo of the NFL, with Brady as their weisenheimer Billy Zabka, and I’m waiting in delicious anticipation for their ego to get kicked right in the jaw.
Do I think we should be divided as a people by sports? Absolutely not. Am I a masochist? By no stretch of the word. Do I marvel at the suffering of others? Not unless it’s the suffering of Tom Brady at the end of the second half, as the life leaves his smug face and the shit-eating light in his eyes fades. While it’s fun to root for the underdog with one Super Bowl win under their belt, there’s a greater satisfaction in popping some popcorn and looking with a sense of wonderment at the misery of the New England Patriots. After all, I’ve never been personally victimized by Rams fans.
That was your word of the week. Bear Down, bitches.