To the University of Chicago community,
We at Quizlet would like to express our deepest apologies for the vile content hosted on our site in recent months. Our platform was intended to help students learn new information through fun games and useful tools, not to collect the racist, sexist, and frankly boring sexual positions of one Delta Upsilon fraternity.
With an event so mind-bogglingly distasteful, it’s hard to know where to begin, but here’s a start: What the ever-loving fuck? Quizlet is not blind to the toxic realities of fraternity culture, but honestly, flashcards about sex positions? On a public quizlet?
Furthermore, what’s the deal with doggy style? Do you hate being forced to acknowledge that the women you’re fucking are human beings? And the racism. Have you learned nothing? The only saving grace of all of this is that none of you wrote 69.
There are no winners here. The brothers of DU are losers, now and always. All those forced to read, type, and say the words “Viennese Oyster” today are losers. Certainly Quizlet has lost something.
But now a word for the student paper. You, too, are losers. At Quizlet, we have a new favorite sex position we’re calling “the Maroon.” It’s where you roleplay as a reporter and then take a huge shit on basic journalistic standards. Don’t get us wrong, as members of the human species we hate DU for being horrible literally all of the time. However, really? This was the best you could do?
Finally, to the rest of the UChicago student body, we’d like to say: you’re better than this. Spend your busy days thinking about anything other than how fraternity brothers may or may not have sex. If you’ll entertain a humble suggestion from Quizlet, perhaps you might hold them accountable for their actions instead of making another goddamn meme. As a sidenote, we can see how often you use Quizlet and it’s pathetic.
We would like to announce something else. Quizlet is sex-negative now. Congrats, DU. You’ve ruined it for all of us. At Quizlet, we plan to engage in a long process of self-reflection and reevaluation. We can only hope that each of you godforsaken imbeciles do the same.