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Top Campus Cafés Ranked by Sexual Tension

By Antonia Salisbury
Feb. 20, 2018

So you came here to study? Well, we all “came here to study,” kid. That doesn’t mean you can’t check out the tall glass of iced coffee behind the counter. That’s right, the one all wrapped up in a baseball hat who says, “Eeehk we actually don’t have almond milk” just the way you like. Or perhaps we can interest you in a very sleepy TA wearing possibly-real glasses but definitely the same clothes from yesterday.
That’s right flirts, we have it all. Come on down to where the smell is weird and the tension is palpable. 
1. If you thought middle school was cool then you have to check out Harper Café. I have the best luck asking people to dances, anonymously on UChicago Crushes, here.

2. If you even know what high school is, I highly recommend Ex Libris Café. Conveniently located in a cafeteria that was surgically transplanted in the Reg, Ex Lib is awesome and makes me feel ready to date/place an AP Number Label on the back cover of my Student Pack. And if all goes well:

3. Keep your finger on the pulse of the Beat Generation at Hallowed Grounds, where turtle necks are high and pool cues are long and broken. If you tell me about your causal insomnia, I’ll tell you about my intravenous coffee intake. Then we’ll all make out.

4. Last but not least, I nominate Dollop for their commendable location in the dorm on campus with the most sex per capita. Like a casino in a hotel. Or a coffee shop in a hotel, full of college students. Exquisite!