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Spring Has Sprung: Fijis Quit Breastfeeding for Solid Food

By Antonia Salisbury
May 25, 2018

Frarty season is upon us, and you know what that means: barbecued mashed peas and a banana yogurt ice luge. 

The Dealer began its reporting at the Fiji mansion. Upon our arrival, all the biggest boys were chewing on their toes. This is what 241-month old Fiji social chair, Baby Face McGhee, had to say: “I am a big baby. I just want to be pushed around in a stroller by my mommy.” Stopping to let another brother wipe Gerber’s dribble off his chin, he continued, “I expect to fall asleep in my car seat and wake up in my crib.”

The boys say that quitting breastfeeding cold turkey has been a challenge. “Some nights I wake up and try to lift my head but I can’t get it all the way up yet,” said second year Todd Milquetoast. But the guys agree; downgrading to applesauce is a small price to pay for taking your first steps. Are you good at spike ball? Do you love Migos? If you know how to do infant CPR and love saliva, well then I’ll see you at Fiji this Saturday.

But watch out ladies, the Fiji boys are teething!