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Articles written by Nik Varley

5 Homeopathic Remedies to Try Before Calling Your Parents Who Are Doctors

By Nik Varley    Jan. 19, 2018   

Are you struggling with dry skin? Nursing an earache? Hounded by stomach bloat? You'll find all sorts of "western industrial medicines" for these ailments at your local drugstore, but if you want to try some natural home remedies without breaking the bank, check out these popular homeopathic treatments! They'll be sure to work a bit, but you should also probably call your parents who are both resp...

New Health Trend: Hiring a Sensei to Kick Your Ass

By Nik Varley    Jan. 19, 2018   

There's a new health craze going around, and it's not what you think! Fed up with demanding diets, cleanses and workout routines, many of today's heath-conscious professionals are simply hiring an elite kung fu sensei to kick the ever-loving shit out of them every week. Wow! What could be more nourishing and invigorating than having a martial arts master absolutely whoop your ass? It's the perfect...

Album Review: Justin Timberlake's "Man of the Woods"

By Nik Varley    Feb. 20, 2018   

In 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth on an incredible journey to explore the uncharted wilderness of the American Frontier. It is in the spirit of these brave explorers that I set forth on an analogous journey: a blind foray into Man of the Woods, the latest LP from pop star Justin Timberlake. Like Lewis and Clark, I will surely encounter unknowable dangers for which I am completely unprepared, aura...

Cum-Stained David Lynch Posters Spotted Behind Doc Films

By Nik Varley    Feb. 20, 2018   

At approximately 11:30 p.m., The Shady Dealer received a tip claiming that there is an enormous pile of visibly-stained David Lynch posters outside the Doc Films office in Ida Noyes hall. The posters, advertising Lynch classics such as Inland Empire, Mulholland Drive, and Blue Velvet, were loosely arranged into a rectangular mound, and their stains appear to be sexual in nature. “It’s basically a...

New Year, Same You

By Nik Varley    Dec. 31, 2015