Shady Dealer Banner

Menu

Articles written by Audrey Fromson


How to Communicate with Your Parents Through Your Amazon Order History

By Audrey Fromson    Oct. 27, 2018   

It’s amazingly easy to forget about the people who brought us into this world. Ghosting my parents is my fatal flaw; while it makes me seem cool and mysterious, it also annoys the fuck out of them. However, I’m pleased to share that I applied my critical thinking skills and developed a new method for staying in touch with them. The best part is that it doesn’t require a cell phone. Amazon.com migh...

I’m Interested in Going, Maybe: A How-To Guide on Actually Attending the Facebook Events You Say You’re Interested In

By Audrey Fromson    Nov. 11, 2018   

It’s 11:00 a.m. on a Saturday. Do you know that about one million events are happening around the world and that you’ve said “interested” on Facebook to every single one? Being flaky can be empowering, but playing hard-to-get with event hosts isn’t cool. Read this how-to guide to learn how you can actually start following through on your digital commitments. 1. Know Yourself If you’ve said “intere...

How to Pretend to be Thankful Even Though Deep Down You're a Brat

By Audrey Fromson    Nov. 22, 2018   

If you’re having trouble suppressing the brat in you this Thanksgiving, you’re not alone. Read on to find out how to fake it until you make it or Thanksgiving is over. Adopt an attitude of gratitude So what you find out that your younger sister deleted every episode of the Great British Bake Off from your DVR to make space for Catfish reruns?! Now you have more quality time to spend with your gran...

I Look Bad in My Family's Holiday Card and Other Shit I Hate About Winter

By Audrey Fromson    Dec. 5, 2018   

Apple’s portrait mode has made my mom into a monster. When my sisters and I are together, she whips out her phone and proceeds to take photos “for the holiday card.” Every time, I so badly want to yell, “We’re Jewish, so pick a side and just call it a Hanukkah card, and by the fucking way, your thumb is covering half of the lens!” and then faint into my sisters’ arms. In a few weeks, a photo of my...

How to Spend the Winter Alone: A How-To Guide on Planning a Snowball Fight for One

By Audrey Fromson    Dec. 5, 2018   

Maybe you were late to cuffing season. Or maybe you’ve been banned from participating in your friend group’s Secret Santa after spending $0.07 over the limit for Janet last year. Pretty messed up that everyone flipped out over an extra piece of bubble gum, I know. If you’re wondering why this scenario sounds oddly specific, take your hypotheses back to your lab reports where they belong. For whate...