Dear Sir or Madam:
It is my wish that you gainfully employ me at your institution. My entire life has been filled with
a deep and abiding desire to exchange my labor for currency. Your institution provides currency
in exchange for labor. It is therefore logical that I exchange my labor for your currency. You can
then appropriate the products of my labor and use them to acquire more currency.
While it is the role of every sentient being to exchange labor for currency and contribute to
the GDP, you might consider me as the next replacement in an endless line of faceless laborers
for several reasons. First and foremost, I can perform special labors. These labors are not
actually special but if I am a good enough liar you might select me to exchange labor for some
of your limited supply of currency. Second, I am willing to exchange labor for currency at a less
favorable rate, relative to some benchmark rate that I claim I previously exchanged at. This is
good for you because you can exchange less of your currency for more of my labor. This is also
good for me because I was lying and will take whatever pittance you are willing to bestow upon my lowly being.
Finally, since I have exchanged similar labors for currency in the past, I will be a more
efficient automaton than any other laborer you may be considering.
Please do consider my humble entreaty. I have tried farming, but my crops withered, and I
stand to starve amongst the rest of the landless proletariat. I wish nothing more and hold no higher
ambition than to be a happy cog in your capitalist machine.
Deepest and most pitiful grovelings,