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HVZ-Related Injuries at Record High After New Rule Allows Melee Weapons

By Adam Lowinger
Nov. 2, 2018

Following a new rule permitting the use of melee weapons, a recent report has shown a rise in injuries among Humans Versus Zombies players. 

Humans Vs Zombies (HVZ) is a student hosted game that occurs twice a year. An initial “zombie” player tags a human player, converting them into a zombie. The game ends a week after the surviving humans complete an “extraction mission”, or all humans are dead. 

Until now, the human defense against the zombies has been firing nerf dart guns or throwing socks that stun zombies on contact. However, a near consensus among the HVZ-planning staff has concluded that melee weapons should be allowed, since humans would improvise such tools in an actual post-apocalyptic setting. The guidelines are that each hand can only hold one weapon and that each weapon must be foam-tipped. 

Most players, overcome with zeal for the game and an inability do basic physics,  swung weapons with enough force to cause light to injuries. The adrenaline rush made the decision immensely popular among players. One student, who chose to remain anonymous, said that the experience made him feel “like an anime protagonist.” 

Such support was echoed among the zombie players: “I feel like it adds to the experience,” says Peter Smith, a long term HVZ player. “I mean my nose is broken, but I felt the passion of a man trapped on his last legs fighting of the undead.”

Other “zombie” students have been left with bruises, black eyes, and minor concussions. In total, about 80% of the players have lasting injury. Matt Roman, one of the students in charge of HVZ planning, says that they will ignore the criticisms and keep the rule for the spring quarter game. 

“What’s a few bruises compared to a week of fun?” he said in a defiant tone, “HVZ is a time-honored UChicago tradition.” General students, when asked about the HVZ developments, said a resounding, “What’s HVZ?”