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Freegan Group's Newest Member Also the Healthiest

By Greer Baxter
Jan. 19, 2018

Mike isn't just surviving, he's the frickin' picture of health--nobody is that good. - Wendy Blodgett

Members of the local freegan meet-up group Impact: Zero! are starting to question the commitment of newest member Mike Fitzpatrick, who joined three months ago. Says group coordinator Wendy Blodgett, "We really loved Mike's energy when he first arrived--his stomach was always growling the loudest, and he was like the Da Vinci of removing mold from a bagel. But he always has an elaborate excuse to get out of attending our mandatory dumpster dives, and he's yet to come up with a single reclamation idea or consumer impact reduction strategy. And then there's the suspiciously rosy glow in his cheeks and bounce in his step--that's supposed to go away after a few weeks of committed freeganism. We freegan veterans pride ourselves on being able to meet all our basic nutritional requirements each day with discarded food and wild edibles, but Mike isn't just surviving, he's the frickin' picture of health--nobody is that good."