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A Farewell Letter

By The Editors
May 25, 2018

Dearest Reader(s),

    Over the past year, we have had the humbling, back-breaking honor of serving as Editors-in-Chief for the Chicago Shady Dealer, and we want to give you this opportunity to thank us for all our hard work and dedication. It has been a trying affair and we've sweat through many outfits, but we did it for you, our dedicated readers. We were thrilled to do it, but we feel we deserve more appreciation.


    Persevering through sandstorms, power outages, and attrition of our web development team, we strived to bring you the most truthful news and filthiest scoops we could get our probing little hands on. We dug through countless trashcans, each full of hundreds of pages of pure administration gold. You owe us, big time. Until we set up a P.O. Box for all your fan mail and cash donations, feel free to just tell your mail carrier how great we are;  they'll understand and pass the message along.

    We set many goals for ourselves at the start of this year. Our 14th year! The "ivory or elephant" anniversary. Some of our goals were met, like "hosting a nuclear symposium" and "selling condoms for sport." Others did not quite work out as planned, like "implementing comics" and "maintaining our web development team." It's clear that the Shady Dealer has come a long way, but it still has a big journey ahead. 

    We are proud of this flimsy paper. This year we got staples in the side of it, a huge win for morale. Print journalism is certainly on its way out, but we will keep chopping down trees as long as we're strong enough to swing an axe around. Though our web development team scattered around the globe, we believe we are still a superior campus publication to the Chicago "Maroon." Our party dip has three more layers and we'll take you to the Indiana Dunes.

It is also our pleasure to leave you in the loving, manicured, and soft-yet-capable hands of Breckenridge Radulovic and Nickelodeon Varley. 

Warmly,

Milena "Mom" Pross and Dan "Dad" Lastres