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Discreet Mathematics Course To Be Held at 3 A.M. in Undisclosed Parking Garage

By Reed Thurston
May 25, 2018

According to anonymous sources within the University’s Math department, a new listing has been added to the graduate-level course catalogue for the autumn quarter of 2018. It describes in sparse detail an advanced section of mathematical study available exclusively to students who have completed the Spectral Graph Theory course, and who “know how to keep their mouths shut.”

The listing, which was printed in UV-sensitive invisible ink on the reverse side of the distributed course pamphlets and hidden entirely within a commented line of source code on the course catalogue’s website, gave no further details as to the instructors, class size, or subject matter of the course. Included below the aforementioned prerequisites were a set of longitudinal coordinates which point to a small island in the Seychelles, followed by a block of heavily encrypted text and the words “No Snitches.” 

Several professors of cryptology were consulted to try to decipher the encoded information, but all of whom immediately refused to comment and vehemently denied the existence of any such course after the origin of the text was brought to their attention. 

However, a number of University students volunteered to attempt to crack the code on the strict condition of absolute anonymity, and several pieces of the text have thus far been deciphered to read “WHITECHEVYTAHOE,” “BASEMENTSUBLEVELTWO,” “MEETATTHREEAM," and “TEXTBOOKSARE$400.”

No more information has yet been uncovered as to the nature or purpose of the course, and every student who was rumored to be enrolled in it quickly fled from reporters upon being approached for questioning on the matter. Meanwhile, Senior Lecturer in Mathematics and Assistant Director of Undergraduate studies John Boller also could not be reached for comment at his visibly-ransacked office, and by all witness accounts has apparently been missing for the past two weeks.