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Cum-Stained David Lynch Posters Spotted Behind Doc Films

By Nik Varley
Feb. 20, 2018

At approximately 11:30 p.m., The Shady Dealer received a tip claiming that there is an enormous pile of visibly-stained David Lynch posters outside the Doc Films office in Ida Noyes hall. The posters, advertising Lynch classics such as Inland Empire, Mulholland Drive, and Blue Velvet, were loosely arranged into a rectangular mound, and their stains appear to be sexual in nature.

“It’s basically a huge festering pile of slowly rotting gloss paper with a few tangled 35mm film reels mixed in – it actually kind of looks like something you’d see in Eraserhead or Elephant Man,” the anonymous informant told the Dealer. “I’m not totally sure how long it’s been there, but they have an original poster for The Lost Highway in there, which means this might have been going on since 1997.”

When asked if they were sure that the pile was used for sexual purposes, the informant claimed to be “almost certain," explaining, “When you see these kids [the Doc Films student board] start to go off on how Lynch ‘used dream theory to decontextualize oedipal drives within the symbolic and imaginary psychological realms,’ they get a certain look in their eyes which really can only mean one thing.” 

A representative from Doc Films vehemently denied the allegations, stating, “While we have a great appreciation for Lynch’s work and the ways in which his innovative narrative structures and misé-én-scene inject his films with nascent and explicit eroticisms, we resist the notion that we, the Doc Films student board, perform sexual activity on a huge mound of his movie posters. The idea is crass and ridiculous.”

“We do, however”, the representative continued, “frequently have sex on that big pile of Godard posters in the projection booth.”