In a university-first eventFor the first time in the In a university-first event, our oldest south-side dorm has been hyphenated from the
ground-up. After the runaway successes of super-houses Dodd-Mead and Linn-Mathews, the
university has announced that, on day-one of the 2017-2018 school year, newly-minted Maroons
will be able to live in the brand-new houses of Chamberlin-Vincent and Coulter-Salisbury.
Utilizing the same revolutionary fire-escape-based method of unification that linked the
first two super-houses, Chamberlin-Vincent will experience a problem-free unification.
Coulter-Salisbury, currently composed of two non-adjacent houses, will have a state-of-the-art
High-Gothic fire-escape assembled in the B-J courtyard to facilitate travel.
“We are excited to create a brand-new sense of house culture in our second-oldest dorm,”
said Jean-Pierre Louis-David, the graduate chairman of the joint Housing-Culture committee.
“The current six-house system was designed to re-unite students across house lines, and the
four-house system will do the same.” When asked if there were already plans to further
hyphenate College Housing, Louis-David merely winked, tongue-in-cheek. inked, tongue-in-cheek.
At Burton-Judson, excitement wasn’t exactly sky-high. When put-upon by our reporting
team, first-year Math-Physics major Alexander Roche summed up the general attitude towards
this ground-breaking change: “Why?” A social-media campaign, “FFS” (Fix our Fucking
Showers) has already begun among current B-J residents, imploring the university to invest
housing funds into de-molding the showers, rather than re-molding house culture.