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New Year, Same You

By Nik Varley
Dec. 31, 2015

Millions of people celebrated the coming of the New Year across this world this past January, and while many of them made resolutions and set goals of self-improvement, , sSources close to the Shady Dealer are reportinged this morning that while the current year has changed from 2015 to 2016, you are still the same person that you were before, and that nothing significant about you has changed.

Embedded Shady Dealer correspondents also confirmed that despite theis observation of the changing calendar year by billions worldwide, "aAll of these people are exactly the same as they were before. .”

“This is a very common misconception,says psychologist Eric Davis said. “While many people believe that the human psyche changes when the Earth passes through an arbitrary point in its orbit around the sun, producing more competent, fitter, happier and more satisfied individuals, there is no scientific data to support this. Rather, it is believed by most scientists that everyone on the planet is exactly the same as they were at the end of 2015..

Despite the testimony of experts, many individuals are starting 2016 completely ignorant of the fact that they are the same person that they were in 2015.

“This is going to be my year!” said said second- year student Janet Adams said, unaware of the fact that her conscious self has been completely unchanged by the onset of the new year. “I’m going to get on the Ddean’s Llist, hit Ratner three times a week, and finally start eating better! Who knows?, I might even pick up that cello I have lying around..

Leading sScientists also predicted that not only is everyone on Earth the same regardless of the changing year, but everyone has always been the same and always will be into the future.

"There is absolutely no reason to believe that the next change of the year will result in you changing, or any new year in the future, for that matter," said Davis said.,. "All evidence suggests that none of us isare ever going to improve in any way. The data says that you'd better learn to love yourself, because you're not getting any better."

Philosopher Derek Parfit defended those claiming that they had changed in the New Year, telling the Dealer that “the transcendental self is an illusion” and that “personal identity does not exists across time. You are a completely new and separate consciousness at every discrete instance."”.