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What to do if the Toilet Water Splashes in Your Butthole

By Nico Aldape
Nov. 25, 2015

  1. This phenomenon is also known as Poseidon’s Kiss! Remember that this happened to gods too. Archeological studies found that the output of Hephaestus, Greek god of fire and blacksmith, mostly consisted of toilet-related goods.
  2. Don’t panic. Wait until the saturation caused by the splash slows to a gentle dribble. Better yet, sit on the toilet until it evaporates, and cease all bowel movements/digestion in general to deal with the splash-causing shit you currently have to deal with. One splash at a time.
  3. Don’t cry either. You’re making the air do enough work anyway drying your butthole. Don’t make it have to dry your tears too, because the air can only handle one evaporation at a time.
  4. At this possible moment, you may be thinking, “How could my butthole get any dirtier?” However, remember that urine is sterile. If pee water splashes on you, your butthole will be optimally clean for future bathroom trips, as well as the anal your sexual partner always requests.
  5. Take a Snapchat, including as graphic detail as possible to cause a maximal amount of alarm and concern among your friends, who will rush to your aid.
  6. In the case that your RH or anyone else comes, make your situation sound worse than it is to garner sympathy. RHs are used to dealing with toilet-related messes when their child has a tantrum, so throw a tantrum to make it more like something they’re used to.
  7. If all else fails, try to make another splash. It will wash the other splash away.