Shady Dealer Banner


Having an Erection in Skinny Jeans Is Worse than Menstruation

By Nico Aldape
Nov. 17, 2015

I am gender-blind – I don’t see gender. Contrary to popular opinion and fact, the male gender is being oppressed due to reverse sexism. As a man, I face intolerance each and every day. This intolerance comes in many forms. The Wikipedia entry for the men’s rights movement states, “This article has multiple issues,” to exemplify the multi-pronged approach our movement uses to fight the matriarchy and their unfeasible demands for respect and equal societal footing. As the hashtag implies, #notallmen are aware that they'rethey’re being harmednefiting byfrom reversereverse sexist, pro-female ideals whether they actively contribute torealize it or not. However, this opinion piece is not meant to tackle that broad issue, but rather a daily occurrence that falls under it. T The proud wearers of skinny jeans, which is a #goodnumber of men, face a struggle that goes unnoticed the constant struggle of getting erections in those pants, which definitely hurts worse than a periodmenstruation.

Periods only happen once a month, with a period of a few days of pain. I wholeheartedly sympathize with women during this time, but unfortunately must point outmake the case that my skinny jean erection pain is worse. First of all, erection pain is worse because of its unpredictability. Erections can arise at any point, as often as once every few hours, leading to a whole lot of pain and a bulge on whichever side of your crotch it wants. The psychological pain of having to hide this in a scholarly environment adds another dimension to this. What if you’re trying to dance at a party? What if someone asks, “Is that a banana in your pocket?” and youI have to lie and say you I snuck one out of Bartlettthe dining hall because youI didn’t have time to eat? The physical and psychological pain isare just too great for my shoulders to bear.

Additionally, the health consequences of skinny jeans come into play here. All the blood that could be flowing to my head is instead going to my penis, which means less blood goes to my brain, thereby reducing my productivity. For women, this blood loss happens only once a month, but for men, it is a consistent brain drain. During my lifetime, I have lost at least one thousand brain cells – brain cells which women have the luxury of having. If you eIn applyingIf you xtrapolate this finding to all men, the repercussions for society seem dire. Ddo we really want to live in a world in which old, dumb men dominate institutions of power no matter what? I certainly don’t.

In conclusion, I really don’t have a fragile sense of masculinity or easily triggered anger that needs to be defended by sexism. Nope, I moust definitely do not.really don’t – shut the fuck up!