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Hookup Culture Doesn't Exist

By Nico Aldape
May 26, 2015

I keep hearing about this “hookup culture” supposedly present on campus and people complaining about being “sexiled,” but I’m honestly not convinced. No one’s been brought home to my single after a frat party, so I’ve never been sexiled. The chill atmosphere of Bar Night (which I’ve heard all frat parties are like given that they occur in the middle of the week), just from seeing it once, doesn’t seem like fertile grounds for flirtation. Given my utmost experience and wisdom after being on campus for three quarters, I can definitively say that hookup culture does not exist on this campus.

I started to doubt the existence of hookup culture during Orientation Week. I’ll always remember the Chicago Life meetings, which everyone I know went to and took very seriously. The third or fourth-year leading the discussion warned us against hooking up with strangers because you couldn’t judge their future intentions, especially when drunk. I completely agreed. During O-Week, I proceeded to try to hook up with my best friends while sober because I knew their intentions and knew where we stood. No twenty-minute make out sessions (or anything past that) resulted from my efforts, further leading me to doubt the existence of hookup culture. In fact, those friendships ended up being so great that we don’t even need to talk anymore to know how good of friends we are. If hooking up casually is ill-advised and attempting to hook up with friends makes those friendships better, how else can hookups happen? They can’t happen, that’s how. Everyone else has to be in silent, awkward friendships. That’s the only way college society can exist in equilibrium.Secondly, the casual hookup requires sexiling, which, like the hookup, does not exist either. How can one who is locked out of the room during a “hookup” (quoted to emphasize the impossible hypothetical) not find a place to be? According to my own advanced calculations, there is at least one room in any dorm for all undergraduates. Not all undergraduates are in the dorms, however, allowing for temporary usage of other’s rooms when necessary. Why doesn’t the couple have their “hookup” in a friend’s room if one of their roommates needs to sleep or do work in the room? What kind of drama is the sexiling victim trying to avoid by delaying entry into their own room? Additionally, if two people are roommates for a long enough time (even with random assignment), they always grow to have a perfectly symbiotic relationship in which they know when the other needs space. It’s a fact. Sexiling is just an excuse to pass off drama between roommates preventing them from talking to one another as something more palatable. If you or anyone you know happens to be sexiled, just knock on the door of the culprit/liar repeatedly. The lone roommate will eventually open the door.

Additionally, the cold temperatures plaguing so much of the school year impede any opportunity for hookups. During frigid weather, one Lastly,the weather’s been quite chilly outside, with temperatures in the low 50s. You hasve to wear multiple layers to stay warm. Unzipping jackets and pulling off sweaters and shirts before even getting to undergarments just sounds like too much work. Wt'd be fair to say that e have enough work on our hands without having to kiss and undress people just because we're horny, and no one on this campus needs any more work. Hookup culture does not exist.

warm. ay Unzipping jackets and pulling off sweaters and shirts before even getting to As UChicago students, it’d be fair to say that we have enough work on our hands to bother with hookups. Therefore, hookup culture just hypothetically can’t (and in actuality, doesn’t) exist.