Home of the day-ger, land of the neon bikini
“Settled in the valley of two breasts, a virgin to behold.” Lady
305, I miss you dearly, but they don’t want to see me because I have a terrible
sunburn. I have peeled ten pounds in skin weight, and when I faxed the
1. Habanero, meet tall glass of milk.
2. Jason Derulo wants to give me a wedgie.
3. Bounty hunters
4. Crippling math anxiety
5. I have been running an illegal tubing company for months and all I can say is that it did not go unnoticed.
6. I can’t read “a map” or really at all.
7. New Orleans is the new Miami and was the old Miami and knew the word Miami before you even knew how to sit upright.
8. A bird not in Miami is worth more than two in Miami. Say that five times fast.
9. I told a bunch of my friends in Miami that I was fluent in Portuguese when I actually only took a year of it in high school and it turns out that they have this new friend Darren who studied abroad in Portugal and picked it up real quick, so you see my situation.