It was daunting enough handling first year at UChicago during the magical era of romantic idealism made possible bywhenile it was still possible to onecould still bask in the warm glow of romantic idealism that emanated from the
blessed union of soul mates that was the Chris Pratt and Anna Faris marriage.
So when the unthinkable happened and the greatest Hollywood fairytale of all
time came crashing down this summer, the class of 2021, nay, all of humanity was suddenly faced with
the prospect of getting through first year without the euphoric satisfaction of
the Pratt-Faris miracle to lean on. To those unfortunate students—indeed, to us all— I offer the
following brief survival guide:
to remember that deep down, you always suspected that Chris Pratt was too good
to be true. Y, and that you could see it in poor little Anna’s face; that even she
knew he’d cheat on her eventually after he lost all that weight.
your frustration with Chris Pratt by taking Self, Culture, and Society, where
you can revel in the spectacle of Simone de Beauvoir putting Sigmund Freud in
out of it! Your first-year love life was going nowhere whether Chris Pratt
remained faithful to Anna Faris or not—--this isn’t Bucknell, it’s UChicago, for
crying out loud.