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Need a Cover Letter Template? The Shady Dealer Has You Covered

By Jack Toole
April 20, 2018

Dear Sir or Madam:


It is my wish that you gainfully employ me at your institution. My entire life has been filled with

a deep and abiding desire to exchange my labor for currency. Your institution provides currency

in exchange for labor. It is therefore logical that I exchange my labor for your currency. You can

then appropriate the products of my labor and use them to acquire more currency.


While it is the role of every sentient being to exchange labor for currency and contribute to

the GDP, you might consider me as the next replacement in an endless line of faceless laborers

for several reasons. First and foremost, I can perform special labors. These labors are not

actually special but if I am a good enough liar you might select me to exchange labor for some

of your limited supply of currency. Second, I am willing to exchange labor for currency at a less

favorable rate, relative to some benchmark rate that I claim I previously exchanged at. This is

good for you because you can exchange less of your currency for more of my labor. This is also

good for me because I was lying and will take whatever pittance you are willing to bestow upon my lowly being. 

Finally, since I have exchanged similar labors for currency in the past, I will be a more

efficient automaton than any other laborer you may be considering.


Please do consider my humble entreaty. I have tried farming, but my crops withered, and I

stand to starve amongst the rest of the landless proletariat. I wish nothing more and hold no higher

ambition than to be a happy cog in your capitalist machine.


Deepest and most pitiful grovelings,

______Your Name______