The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

February Prospie Not Present at April Overnight

by Adam Lowinger

Sources within the University of Chicago have confirmed that February overnight attendee Stewart Lawson was not present for either of the April Overnights. In the winter quarter, Lawson was overjoyed at the prospect of enrolling in the University of Chicago. Despite this, no one on campus has seen or heard from him since he returned home.

“I would have thought he’d return to this place at any opportunity,” said Moises Halpern, Lawson’s February overnight host. “He just kept bragging about how coming here set him apart from everyone in his hometown, how he was above state schools, and that the weather was so much better here. Hell, he even had all his quarters and classes planned and back-up planned. But the real kicker was that he basically knew EVERYTHING about this school and its history. Remember Hermione Granger and Hogwarts: A History? Replace that with Dean Boyer’s book and multiply it by a million and you get this kid.”

Halpern went on to claim that Lawson would send him frequent emails regarding the latest University of Chicago news. However, soon after the regular decision announcement, all contact ceased. Halpern, being friends with Lawson on Facebook, saw a few status updates that confirmed he was active and alive. Yet nothing related to the University can be found on his social media.

Halpern, by chance, hosted another Prospie from Lawson’s hometown in the first April Overnight. When inquiring about Lawson, the Prospie simply said “his parents are glad they’re saving money.”