Security AlertBy Eric M. Heath,
Associate Vice President for Safety and SecurityWithin
the past 13 hours, UCPD and CPD have responded to the following 3
extra dimensional incursions, all of which appear to be related.
approximately 11:11 a.m., Monday, March 27 – A University professor inside of
Eckhart Hall froze solid for roughly 5 minutes before rearranging his
musculature into a spider-human hybrid at the behest of an unknown dark god.
The students attending the professor’s lecture reported an inability to control
their motor functions, loss of conscious thought, and visions of caverns filled
with cyclopean beasts, feasting upon human flesh. At 11:20 a.m., the professor
escaped northbound across the rooftops in an attempt to arrive at his 11:30 lecture
on time. The victims reported no physical injuries, but are tormented by
horrific prophecsies of the fall of man.
approximately 6:56 p.m., Monday, March 27 – An ancient blood cult unaffiliated
with the Uuniversity began performing sacrificial rites on the main quadrangle.
The suspects were armed with rune-engraved daggers carved from bone and a
chalice wrought of pure obsidian. The blood cult was preparing a pentacle on
the main quadrangle when a member of the Divinity School faculty single-handedly
defeated them, armed with only a crucifix and a millennia-old copy of the Book
of Job. The faculty member destroyed the pentacle before reporting the event to
the authorities. The cult has been detained by CPD, and a hefty fine is being
imposed on the organization for attempted temporospatial infractions.
precisely 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 28 – A 100-foot wide bottomless hole
unaffiliated with the Uuniversity opened on the Midway Plaisance, directly
adjacent to and partially encompassing the stretch of Ellis Avenue between 59th
and 60th Streets. At the time of this writing, an emaciated hand has
emerged from the hole and has begun assembling a corporeal form out of nearby
matter. Several fraternities have expressed interest in incorporating the hand into
their initiation rituals, an act strongly discouraged by the Uuniversity.
Be alert and
be aware of your existential grounding at all times. Familiarize yourself with the
location of the Uuniversity’s emergency phones, and recognize that locations may
not remain consistent withto our human understanding if the fundamental laws
governing our reality are compromised. If you see suspicious activity, please
report it immediately to police and the Supernatural Invasion Dean on Call.
Visit the Department of Occult Safety and Security’s office in the Z-level of
the Regenstein Library for more information about the preservation of our
fragile 3-dimensional being at the University of Chicago.