The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

Researchers Discover Dog Dreams Exactly The Same As Dog Reality

by Greer Baxter

In partnership with the University of Nome, scientists from UChicago have recently concluded a series of canine sleep experiments, the results of which confirmed what many had suspected all along: dogs dream about the exact same things that occupy their time while awake, specifically eating, running, barking, and being patted on the head and back.

Explains one researcher, “What all this means is that basically, a dreaming dog doesn’t even know when it has woken up. No wonder they sleep so much—what’s the point of budging when getting up is just going to mean more of the same but in a standing position?”

No dogs were harmed during the study, because to harm a dog would be unforgivable even in the pursuit of science.