The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

Letters from Home: It's Grandpa. Do They Have Free Speech on Your Campus?

by Grandad (Sam Hoffman)

Hi Sweetie, this is Grandpa. I hope this letter finds you well, and I hope you're not out there having too much fun! I hear a lot about hookup culture on college campuses right now, haha. I know you would never do that! Never do that.

Speaking of culture on campus, I wanted to make sure there was plenty of free speech on your campus. I've been seeing a lot of stuff on Fox News about speakers being shut down at college campuses everywhere and people being beat up for thinking and dressing conservatively, and I just wanted to check in to see if it was like that at the University of Chicago.

I know it's not really like that, but will you give me a call and let me know so I can play it for my friend Bob? You know, his grandkids went to Oberlin and Sarah Lawrence, and you betcha they don't have freedom of speech there. His grandson is such a nice young man other than that. Very handsome, too. You remember Henry from that one time 12 years ago he pushed you off the swing?

Anyway, I just want to make sure you don't get stuck in a safe space. Instead, I hope you're thrown into a pool of unnecessary trauma and regressive discourse. Haha! I hope you have a good first semester of college, honey. Let me know if dissenting perspectives are being silenced on campus! Love you!