The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

College Student Actually Thinks Grandma Wears Big "Proud UChicago Grandparent" Pin Everyday

by Ella Hester

Second-year Kate Todd recently told the Dealer that she truly believes that her grandma wears an approximately 2x2'' pin that features the text "Proud UChicago Grandparent" and the school's phoenix mascot as part of her daily attire.

"Haha, yeah," said Todd over a Facebook Messenger exchange, "That pin they gave out at family weekend last year somehow made it into her hands, and now it's as permanent a fixture in her wardrobe as her wedding ring! It's just one of the many little oddities you can expect from my grandma. Like how she doesn't put egg in lasagna because one time someone during the Depression died from Salmonella. Or how she refused to throw out my dead grandpa's collection of dead light bulbs. I guess this is just another one of her quirks!"

We caught up with Mrs. Todd on her walk to church one Tuesday morning and she was more than happy to answer our questions.

"Am I proud of my granddaughter? Of course! Whenever I see her I wear a pin that says just that. Are you her friend? Do you know if she's going to church? She talks about her friends going to church, but she never explicitly says that she does.... I'll light a candle for her today before I go to my film class at the teacher's union. The theme is mystery and suspense! Do you know her cousin Nick? I have a necklace right here with his picture on it -- he's reading Harry Potter right now!”

Todd, who is an only child and always has to google the term "Object Permanence" when playing Cards Against Humanity, later added, "The pin is probably a great conversation starter for my Grandma. I hear the people in her line dancing class are dropping like flies these days. I'm sure it's very useful when getting to know the newbies."

"One time I went over to my Grandma's apartment for a last minute hang out sesh and she wasn't wearing it," said Todd, who is theoretically pursuing a BA degree grounded in critical thinking. "But that's probably because she didn't have the time to really put herself together for the day. Some people can't leave the house without eyeliner, and my grandma can't leave the house without that freakishly large pin! She's just so proud. How cute is that?"

When presented with the idea that her grandma only wears the pin while Todd is around, but always wears the dog tag with her cousin Nick's kindergarten picture on it, Todd laughed and said, "That's absurd! My grandma isn't a fucking snake."

Todd's grandma, who goes by Mary in real life, could not be reached for further comment because she was off at either tai chi classes, one of many choirs, or any other number of things she does in her fulfilling, independent life as a retired school teacher and individual.

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