The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

An Alphabetical Guide to Parties

by Chase Harrison

Darties. Garties. RacistConstructionThemedarties. Who can keep track of all the types of parties these days? I can. Yes, I, Chase Harrison, Chief Correspondent of the Shady Dealer Society Section, am here to give you the four-one-one on parties. Here’s my exclusive, total insider, hot-of-the-press, fetch guide to parties:

AArty: Sober party

BARTy: Bay area rapid transport party

Brynmawrty: No boys allowed

Carty: Party in a 2004 Toyota Corolla

Charty: Graphical party

Darty: Day party

eParty: Electronic party

Farty: Party where chili is served

Garty: Garden party

GOParty: Gay orgy party

Hearty: Party where stews are served

Mason Jarty: Party you’ve probably never heard of

Kurty: Party that’s been dead since 1994

Kurdy: Newly independent party

Lardy: Greasy party

Marty: Martyr party

Narty: NOT A PARTY

Oarty: Party on a canoe

PParty: Planned Parenthood party

Qarty: Qatari party

Rawrty: Party in dinosaur :P

Starty: Pre-pre-pre-pre game

Sharty: Farty gone wrong

Subparty: Bad party

Tarty: Party everyone shows up late to

Tartarety: Raw party

UParty: Party on the CTA

Warty: Dermatology party

Yurty: Party in a Yurt