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Alt-Right Twitter Demands New Oscars Categories for Best Crisis Actor/Actress in a Leading Role

By Thomas Noriega
March 4, 2018

As the greatest actors and actresses in the world are honored tonight for their hard work on screen, the right wing of the Twittersphere has been crying out for a set of new awards categories dedicated to the crisis actors hired by the liberal media to act out various newsworthy tragedies in order to push a radical communist agenda.

The movement was sparked by Twitter user @the🅱️emojiisracisttowhites, who wrote “Hollywood Liberals support low-paid workers in film, so why aren’t they giving out #oscars to the Parkland/Sandy Hook “victims”?#bustatruthnut.” Within minutes, the tweet had been quoted or retweeted by several prominent alt-right Twitter users, including InfoWars host Alex Jones, who subsequently tweeted, “LIBERAL TRANSGENDER FROGMAN FALSE FLAG ACTORS DESERVE THEIR SPOT ON THE RED CARPET. THEIR COMMITMENT TO SATANIC FAKE NEWSCRAFT IS INSPIRING.” 

By the time the Academy caught wind of the movement, it had already made its way onto Breitbart, Fox News, and your uncle’s Facebook feed. Every story cited the long hours and deep personal gravitas that crisis actors put into pushing gun control and leftist hegemony on national television. The Academy tweeted that it was shocked and saddened by the movement, claiming that crisis actors, crisis directors, and crisis production managers had long been given their due at the Oscars preshow.

The esteemed editorial board Shady Dealer is strongly against awarding crisis actors prominent accolades on national television, since the Oscars are already way too fucking long.