The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

Your Favorite Presidential Candidates, Reimagined as Disney Princesses

Gary Johnson (Sleepy Gary) Originally born in the far-away land of Aleppo, Sleepy Gary was cursed as a child by an evil witchto fall into a deep slumber. When he awoke, he could not remember his own homeland’s name and was secreted away to the U.S. Now, he needs the presidency to lead his newfound country and take back what is rightfully his. Jill Stein (Snow Green) Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most environmentally-conscious of them all? Snow Green, of course! Together with her band of magical woodland creatures and debt-ridden college students, Snow Green must win the presidency. (continued)

Crying Student Ruins Vibe of Campus Tour

According to insider reports, area undergraduate student Molly Green unintentionally ruined the vibe of a UChicago campus tour given by Ben Smith earlier this week by crying loudly in front of Regenstein library. “UChicago is more than a school, it’s a home,” Smith described in a booming voice while walking backwards (continued)

Uber Pool With Forty Clowns Surprisingly Comfortable

I’ll be honest with you guys -I didn’t mean to request a Pool. My finger slipped, and I didn’t notice until it was too late. But when I looked down at my phone and saw the smiling profile of Enrique, my 4.7-star driver, I decided to roll with it. Five minutes (continued)