The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

UC Leaks: University Plans to Build Literal "Information Superhighway" across the Midway

A report contained in the documents outlines plans for the construction of a 115-acre state-of-the-art telecommunications complex stretching from Cottage Grove Ave. to Lake Michigan. It did not include any technical specifications or clear information on the purpose of the information superhighway. The report did, however, note that its construction “would plop” the University of Chicago’s “meaty haunches” into the “goddamn driver’s seat” of the information economy. In a phone conversation, Michael Franklin, Liew Family Chair of Computer Science at the University of Chicago, said he had “absolutely no fucking clue” what any of this was about. Franklin expressed dismay at (continued)

Surviving First Year in a Post Pratt-Faris Separation World

It was daunting enough handling first year at UChicago when it was still possible to bask in the warm glow of romantic idealism that emanated from the blessed union of Chris Pratt and Anna Faris. So when the unthinkable happened and the greatest Hollywood fairytale of all time came crashing down (continued)

Report: Filthy Apartment Has No-Shoes Policy

Despite strictly enforcing their stringent "no shoes allowed" policy since they moved in last June, the residents of 5132 Greenwood Ave., Apt. 3A, have, by all accounts, a disgustingly filthy apartment. The occupants, all of whom are rising third-years, have a diverse array of academic and extracurricular interests, none of which (continued)