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Gwyneth over steam

Hot New Trend! Steaming Your Vag

American actress and professional white woman Gwyneth Paltrow created quite the splash in 2015 when she promoted vaginal steaming, a controversial Los Angeles spa treatment. Personally endorsed by Gwyneth on her lifestyle blog, GOOP, steaming purportedly relaxes your vagine and removes toxins from tampon use, hormonal irregularities, and fucking some guy from Bar Night. Shortly after the new year,...


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Homeopathic Breakthrough! "Expired Advil"

By Milena Pross    Jan. 30, 2019   

Throw all your arnica out the window and flush your chamomile down the toilet, folks! The doctors and doctors-adjacent just found the coolest new salve Gwyneth won't stop shouting about: it's called Expired Advil, and it fucking rocks.  This cure-all comes in pill/tablet form, but don't let that stop you from brewing it into some sort of tea or crushing it with a mortar and pestle, adding a few dr...


3 Step DIY Cathey Face Mask

By David North    Feb. 11, 2018   

Why spend money on expensive face masks that leave your skin feeling dry and damaged or waste time in your busy college schedule going to a salon when you have all the ingredients for an easy diy facemask right here in Cathey Dining Hall?! The Shady Dealer did all the hard work for you and scoured the dining hall for months refining this mask. It's a perfect mix of soothing, moisturizing, and refr...


5 Baffling Contraptions Your Roomate is Hogging Outlets With

By Thomas Noriega    Jan. 30, 2018   

The Glow-Box: During the day, it's just another box plugged into your shared surge protector, but at night, it radiates an eerie blue glow directly into your eyes. You haven't slept in your room in weeks, as wherever you turn your head, its luminescent gaze unerringly follows. You've been sleeping in Harper for so long, so very long. Your comfy blanket and covers await you in your room, but so doe...


Ask Student Health:

By Student Health Services and Student Counseling Services    Jan. 30, 2018   

Introducing Ask Student Health!, a weekly feature in which UChicago's very own physicians and counselors answer your health and wellness questions! After your numerous complaints that our services are "too inaccessible", we've decided that the best way to make ourselves available to every student is through this campus wide advice column!  Got a question? Email us at studenthealthservices@uchicago...


5 Art-based Therapies You Will Love

By Reva and David Logan Center for the Arts    Jan. 30, 2018   

Tired of all the hard work and looking for a way to unwind this winter quarter? Then be sure to drop by at the new Reva and David Logan Center for the Arts Pop-Up Spa. At the Reva and David Logan Center for The Arts Pop-Up Spa we're serious about bringing a creative edge to the world of rest and relaxation. Here are five of the top art-based therapies we're offering this quarter: 1. Body Sculpting...


Opinion: Veganism is a Spectrum

By Milena Pross    Jan. 30, 2018   

Meat, cheese, eggs, gummy bears, honey, gummy bear-shaped jars of honey; these are just a few common food items that are not considered "vegan" by the masses. But I think it's time for a change. I say they ARE vegan, nay, they are the epitome of vegan. I believe that veganism is a spectrum and we are all on it. For too long, documentaries like Food Inc., What the Health, Cowspiracy, Forks Over Kni...


Horoscopes: Marxist Tattoo Edition

By Ella Hester    Jan. 29, 2018   

Ready to show off your ever lasting love for your SOSC buddy, Marx? Here's your guide to picking the commie tattoo that best represents you! Aries: Adam Smith's Hand on Fire Put this gem on your bicep so everyone knows about your fire-y dedication to the cause! Leo: M' Next to Your Mouth Face tattoo? Bold. But you know what you're about. Money exchanged means money earned, and that's got to change...


The White on White Crimes You Need to Know

By Deb Mukerjee    Jan. 29, 2018   

Losing your friends in the snowLook, it happens. It's cold and windy and we're all wearing four pairs of pants and scarves over our seeing sockets. We just want to be warm and out of the snow. I get it. All I'm asking is that we all be a little bit more careful about where we step because Brad's been missing for a week now and that snow drift is only getting bigger.  HockeyAs an ethnic person, I d...


Zero Waste Redemption: How I fit a Year of my Trash in a Mason Jar

By Ella Hester    Jan. 29, 2018   

When I went zero waste at the beginning of 2017 I wasn't just embarking on a fresh start: I was literally running from the law! I needed a clean, new lifestyle-- preferably one that involved minimizing any evidence of my existence. One year in, I've decided to release my trash mason jar from it's home in the safe buried in my garden to reflect on my successes and failures in this new life I've cre...