The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

Help! The Moldy Banana I Accidentally Left in Storage Has Achieved Sentience

Look, we’ve all been there. You open one of the boxes you stored before you left last June, and your nose is suddenly met with the pungent whiff of something organic you’ve unintentionally left incubating in there all this time. Whoops! Here’s an in-depth guide on what to do if the banana you left alone for months has somehow managed to attain consciousness. Note: these steps will also work for sentient grapes, apples, and kiwi, but not for melon, oranges, or pineapples. If your former midday-snack from the dining hall has been miraculously transformed into a gray pile of mush that (continued)

Your Guide to the College Campus, Ghost by Ghost

Burton and Judson Harry Judson and Ernest Burton, among the University’s first presidents, curmudgeonly float room to room bemoaning what the University has become since they ran the show. Many freshmen have been startled awake by their cries of, “There are too many women’s bathrooms!” and, “The Midway was better as (continued)

New Admissions Flowchart Announced

In addition to Regular Decision and Early Action, the University of Chicago recently decided to add Early Decision 1 and 2 to it's list of application options. We know that navigating college admissions can be tricky, so the Dealer created a helpful flowchart to help you decide which application track is (continued)