The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

"This Is Just Like Hogwarts," Exclaims Prospie in North

Noting its high ceilings and maze-like design, Prospie Jacqueline Robbins could not stop comparing the newly built Campus North Residential Commons to Hogwarts while staying there for a Prospie weekend. Her exasperated host, 1st year Michaela Fu, noted that Robbins found ways to repeatedly reference Harry Potter, even when the connections made little sense. “I felt like I was in a CASTLE all weekend,” Jacqueline exclaimed. “Walking through the long, brightly lit white corridors, I was basically Hermione Granger! Everything about North made me know that students at UChicago might be muggles, but there’s magic everywhere in this place! Like when (continued)

Trump Surprises Pence, Awards him Presidential Chastity-Belt of Freedom

The White House - On Tuesday evening, President Trump surprised Vice President Mike Pence by awarding him the Presidential Chastity Belt of Freedom. During the presentation, Trump called the former governor of Indiana “our nation’s most chaste public servant,” and “a man of untarnished honor”. Trump’s choice of Pence for a (continued)

New Divinity School Dean Strings Up Sinners in the Village Square

On March 28th, The University of Chicago announced that Laurie Zoloth, a preeminent religious scholar, has been appointed as the new Dean of the Divinity School. Today, as her first act as dean, Zoloth publicly punished and shamed campus sinners in a demonstration on the main quad. The students, which Zoloth (continued)