The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Chicago Shady Dealer

The Only Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago

Nebuchadnezzar Promises to Build Tower to God and Make God Pay for It

In keeping with his pattern of bizarre and boastful proclamations, Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar II announced his intentions to build a massive tower to God at God's expense. "I will build a great, great tower to heaven and I will make God pay for that tower,” Nebuchadnezzar declared to his subjects. Apparently, this tower will be the prelude to a preemptive military invasion of heaven with the goal of eliminating the existential threat posed by the Creator of the universe. Regarding the need for such an invasion, Nebuchadnezzar cited God’s habit of sending misbehaving and potentially terroristic threats angels and prophets into (continued)

Pierre Curie’s Wife Wins Nobel Prize in Chemistry

The wife of celebrated chemist Pierre Curie was awarded a Nobel Prize for her discovery of two elements: Polonium 209 and Radium 223. Though Pierre died five years ago, his assistance was instrumental in her discoveries and the scientific community owes him a great debt of gratitude. During her acceptance speech, (continued)